Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Oh Henry!

This is a sensitive subject, but I never want to forget my sweet boy's reaction tonight.
We were so excited to come home this year for Christmas and tell everyone the news. Baby Caruthers was due in August. We actually didn't say anything to Henry for a week, but had to at some point, because his favorite thing to do is jump on me. He was so mellow about it. He seemed happy at the thought of being a big brother (I'm sure he didn't really get it) and Rob and I were happy about the thought of someone new in our lives. Except, it never felt right. There were issues that made me cautious to be too excited about the outcome. We prayed and prayed and prayed for God's will to be done with our family, and on the 15th I was in the ER at North Hills being told that I was losing the baby and there was really nothing else to be said or done. God's will is tricky sometimes, but His peace is ever present. On the way back to my mom's I decided it was best not to let Henry in on this bit of information and just let it pass. I didn't see a point in having a discussion about why this was happening or what it meant when he had only known for a few days and hadn't said much about it.
We were in Texas for 3 weeks and have been home for about a week and a half now with zero mention of any baby. Henry and I were sitting at the dinner table tonight, while Rob was in the kitchen, and Henry looked me dead in the face and said "So do you still have our baby in your tummy?" I looked at him and said no and of course he asked why not. I told him that it just wasn't the right time for that baby and it wasn't there anymore. He said "So is it somewhere in our house hiding?" and I said "No. God decided to take that baby back to be with Him." And he looked at me with giant eyes and said "Mom, did we have baby Jesus?!"
He thinks so highly of me :)

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